Off

Something is off
I'm not sure what of
Maybe the end of school
An appointment maybe
A death even?
Loss is expected this time of year.
Graduation celebreates that.
This, a time of change.
My security is breaking yet again.
Yet another moment.
Some ponder that moment.
When to let it feel
When to bribe the second
Is there any time left?
Time in which to say love
And wishes
And thinking
And peaceful memories
But at the end of this day
Nothing will feel the same
Nothing will take away the ache
My heart will be on my shoulder
Only for tonight
When I wake
My eyes will have lost their shine.

I Am Adult

It's been nineteen years since I met the air
Almost twenty in ninety-six
I've glanced at the glass multiple times
All while hating the reflection
I've trusted people who I thought deserved to be my other half
All while knowing I was just screwing myself


It's been nineteen years since I met the air
But sometimes I'm treated like it's only been seven
Seven is a number where you can remember bits and pieces
When I try and defend myself all my words come out like crumbled cardboard
Solid yet wrinkled
Imagine if there were words written on that cardboard
If it's wrinkled you wouldn't be able to make out the words as easily


It's been nineteen years since I met the air
But it seems like it's been forty
The dreams I've really lived
The tears that have run to my toes
The blood that has threatened to pop out of my chest
This pain has been intense
But I've made it through the surgery


This is why I am adult
I've lived life
I've dreamt up ways to conjure up fire
I've breathed life into dead areas of my life
I've kept walking through my mistakes
And I've never been afraid to stare those mistakes in the face
Even if I won't completely be honestly about those turmoils with others that means nothing
It means I'm private and I'm used to being my own adult


This is why I am adult
I deal with my deck of dung
I deal with my little circle of sunshine
I still smile
And I still swear I'll be ok until the end


This is why I am adult
Because I'm still living the life of one.