To Tell or Not To Tell

Want to go to dinner with me?
As a date?
Just for fun.
Are you sure?
Yes, I would like some time to be able to talk with you.
Well, what about?
Just...stuff.
A bit more specific would be nice.
Do you want my big answer, or my small answer?
How about big.
Ok. Long is that you'll have to wait till dinner.
Great! What's the short version?
The short version is one word.
And?
Wait.
Those answers give me a lot of clues.
That's the point.
Now that you've got me curious, I'm going to have to go.
I'm glad.
Just, can you promise me something?
What?
Can you promise me that in 10 sec. you'll tell me something you want to talk to me about?
Well...
Well?
Do you want to hear the long answer or the short answer again?
Seriously?
Yes, seriously.


*The underlined sections are what the second speaker says.
The non-underlined sections that are in italics are what the first speaker says.

Allyson

 I can't help but notice her smile.
The one that lights up my frown.
Most days I can't bring myself to listen to her advice.
Though I know it's the best I'll ever hear.


She knows the story of my life.
And she hears my cries for help.
I can't believe she's still here supporting my life song.
I wish I could be there more.


There is this girl that flutters her eyelashes like the wind.
Every tear that falls from her face is replaced with a million smiles later.
I'm sad I missed her elementary school years.
He strength would have gotten me laughing through.


I love how sentimental she is able to be.
She pulls me onto the front of the roller coaster.
Then brings my hands up as we embrace the ups and downs.
With her words I look to her for more.


This one girl in my life is always there.
She's been there through every thunderstorm and every sunrise.
I never need to fear.
After the sourness, she'll be the sweetness in my soul.


I've never written for this girl.
But this is my new piece of work to express.
I hope that when she reads this she'll let me in more.
I hope that when we knit sweaters later in life.


I pray that this girl and I are found side by side.
When we are 80+ and old and gray, I have a silent wish.
Our children will walk in on us watching a movie from the night before.
Our eyes will be closed, and we'll be dancing to Taylor Swift in heaven.


I have this vision.
Me, and my soul sister are sitting on a cloud.
Watching our children, and great grandchildren laughing and playing.
We'll hold our childhood pets, and praise God that we lived that rollercoaster rider dream.


Allyson, and Kellie.
Peanut Butter, and Jelly.
Honey, and Lemons.
Mosey, and Gracie.
Roller coaster, and roller coaster seat.
I love you, and I love you too.

Christmas Tree

It was a while until Christmas
There was a jolly spirit traveling around.
It traveled through me, my Mom, Dad, and sister.
The smell of pine covered the crunching snow.


The only thought other than joy was pain.
My meth self-inflicted  brother was missing.
Our hearts had always been each others.
But I decided to focus on this one tree.


As me, and my family trudged through the snow,
I watched my breath make funny shapes in the air.
There were trees all around.
But none was the one.


Then, there it was.
The tree that was to sit as the honored guest in our living room.
I snatched up my father's hardwood ax.
As I swung, wood chips flew every which way.


Swinging the body of the tree behind my back I felt pain.
My finger decided it could stand it though.
Later a sliver was found.
Later the pain ceased.


As we all got back to the truck I felt lightheaded.
My Mom set me between her, and my Dad.
She gave me a cup.
With hot chocolate in hand, my mind calmed.

Just Sitting Here...

Listening to hypocrisy.
There is nothing more I need to say here.
Seeing the pain that makes me sad.
There are no more tears I have left to shed.
I play the tough role of a grown up teen.
Even though I don't have to.
It's my habit.


There are dead butterfly's in my stomach.
Never to be reborn again.
With every event I realize it's not going to work.
I keep fooling myself.
I really need to let go for my own heart's sake.
But tearing away from my best friend may crush me.


Is there anything left for me to try?
Can I try and hold your hand in mine?
Not if I let go.
I honestly am clueless as what my next action should be.
I can't do anything.
Can I?


Life is a challenge.
But that is the fun of the heartache.
I'll fight for your love, from a distance.
When it happens it will happen.
Until then I will stand in this light you leave, and pray for the strength to stand on my own.
I love you,
Even if you don't love me.
Sleep well love.

Shining Light

My imagination just wants to run.
The structure of my mind closes my eyes.
Looking past the eternal blackness,
I see something shining.
Maybe a face?
Maybe a figure?
All I know is that I'm scared.
Scared of this shining light,
fading. Fading into darkness.
Maybe my mind's action will aid.
This shining light holds my soul.
I wish my mind not to aid.
The soul that shines speaks words.
Words of love, comfort, and strength.
Sunrise pulls me, and my comforter together.
We lay down, and wait for nothing.
Shining light begs me to let go of my mind.
So I let it run.